While it’s all fun and good to see many parents doing what they can and trying to be the best guardians to their kids and wanting to ensure they grow up to becoming responsible adults making things happen in their day-to-day lives and living sanely, it is a rather discouraging reality to see that very few people (parents) actually watch for the things they do wrongly in the process which eventually affects their relationships and growth.
Some of these trigger as much as depression in the lives of their kids and builds up a cold war within parents and kids
In today’s post we shall be discussing the ways parents do their greatest job – parenting wrongly in one way or they other, and who knows – you might learn something for yourself or for a friend.
Ways to do parenting wrongly
Neglecting Your Kid’s Education
Parents pay for their kids tuition, book and material fees, alright – that’s an obligation involved in parenting these days, but it is a rather disturbing fact to know that so many parents do not actually care for their kids education – is it not ironic that they pay for something quite largely these days yet don’t seem to put effort in to ensure it is better for their kids?
Parents get it wrong by not catering for the after-educational needs of their kids – their own education for their kids, their own aiding the kids with home-work period and after-school personal sessions.
Giving Less Time to Kids
The 21st century parents are workers, it is the norm nowadays to hear of parents leaving home as early as 7 A.M sometimes even earlier and before the kids wake for work and not returning till about 7 P.M (12 hours and 50% percent of the day) – but they do not know what they are losing out on when they give more percentage of their times to work and less of it to their kids, coming home – lagging on to the T.V or complaining of head and back ache due to the strains of the job and going straight to bed and leaving their kids out there waiting for dad or mum to come play with?
Kids of such families usually grow up addicted to social media and mostly introverted – for the wrong reasons.
This is one thing many parents around do these days as they feel when they compare their kids’s with another, it would motivate them into some kind of cyborg and they would keep on pushing but it doesn’t, instead it arouses unhealthy rivalry/competition and jealousy ,
Giving Material Things and not Experience
It’s cool to gift your child the latest of his/her favorite mobile device, or a brand new set of the newly-developed LEGO to during a festive season but when doing so unnecessarily and frequently is not a good move as this only makes one’s kids crave more and more as is the problem with materialism, they always keep wanting more and when not done, becomes a problem for the family which usually equates into breeding a spoiled child.
Oblivion of Child’s Emotions
Young adults naturally don’t like to open up to people (even parents) about their emotional state and when is the case parents really need to understand these children of their they live in a world with triggers at ever corner.
Lacking awareness of the emotions of one’s child is an abominable thing to do, Mental Health Education and Emotional Intelligence should be made a class mandatory for every parent and couple to take so they get to understand what kids feel and the changes that has occurred with parenting over the past 30-20 years, not knowing the emotional state of one’s child is no different than calling a stranger your kid.
So many parents these totally oblivious of their kid’s temperament, likes, dislikes and a bunch of other personal things.
Quick question – Do you know your kid’s favorite color?☺
Yeah yeah! Go ahead and rant that you don’t do this but if you look closely, you do!
Spare the Rod and Spoil the child is still meaningful you know, while we’re not encouraging parents to flog their kids with cane or stick, not cautioning one’s kid when needs be encourages the kids to do more of it, the Bible which says (something like madness is in the heart of the kid…) and when not cautioned at the nurturing stages and left in kids encourages gross indiscipline which might even take toll on their lives as adults and with work or other aspects of life.
Charity begins at home.
By the way – You can check out Better Ways to Discipline Your Kids
Forcing Your Will On Kids
Parents are guardians – not dictators. Parenting should never be a ‘You-say, I obey’ thing, instead – should be a light shining on the dark and helping the kids make better decision and not through the usage of coercion upon them.
This is regarding the major decisions kids would need to take up eventually in life, education choices career choices and so on.
Parents should learn not to over-ride the will of their children, because if such is done – most kids have to back out eventually because deep down they know and realize that they are not doing what they want but what their parent wants, this also leads other to a failed life, loss of identity or failure in career.
This is quite a controversial topic as so many women claim they’d rather stay single and with a kid than have a man with them but no, this is wrong – while single-parenting is not really a bad type, not being with both parents (still living) actually affects the produce of such relationships. Living with Mom for a while during the week then switching over to Dad for the weekend really results in a double-identity and affects even the mental health of such children, the load that is carried by two can’t be easily lifted by one.
Passing On Bad Habits
As a parent, there is every possibility one’s child would take after what he/she sees frequently and in this case, kids dearly watch their parents very closely to see how they do things, and how they (the kids) can do that too just because they saw it being practised by their, so the next time you see a little kid smoking up in the neighborliness, just have it at the back of your mind that he or her parents have had their influence in that act one way or the other.
Work Work Work
You know what this means, don’t you?
Seems many parents do not realize that while they’re spending their years at work, their kids are spending their times being without them and
Effects of Bad Parenting
When kids are nurtured in a wrong manner, it reflects on how they see themselves in the world and amidst the people surrounding them, takes a toll on it.
This is an unrealistic feeling of general inadequacy caused by actual or supposed inferiority in one sphere, sometimes marked by aggressive behavior in compensation and is what most kids fell in comparison with others around.
Dissociation from the world
Bad parenting usually put parents and their wards at loggerheads with one another and when children are unable to have a great relationship with those who they first knew, making friends outside the world becomes a daunting task to carry out and so most of them prefer to stay secluded lonely and alone.
Numerous studies have proven to show children who were victims of bad parenting are usually highly to depression and usually harbor negative thoughts and emotions about themselves and others.
Many kids in this range are usually triggered by many things and even into participating in task harmful to themselves e.g substance abuse, violence and so on.
Getting entangled in love relationship with people becomes an exhausting thing to do in the face of victims of bad parenting, the find commitment to love or other relationships a nail on the chair they sit on.
Such kids are usually unable to properly handle and manage their emotions and feelings when faced with cope hardships be it social, emotional, educational, behavioral or physical physical hardships
One more thing to say:
Parents are to build up leaders, not create their own leaders.